Rumblings Of a Black Nerd His name is Bongani

Introduction

I have recently became a father. It is a very humbling experience and I often find myself numb to the whole experience. It is not easy but it is not so hard either. The simple things matter but the stress of knowing that another life is in your hands often leaves you sleepless besides the deafening screams of the baby at night. This post however, is about something I have noticed lately.

I have noticed that many of our people are having children, almost giving birth at will. What struck me the most is the naming of the children? I see names such as Peter, Nathan, Mary, Wendy, etc. being thrown around. Our generation, who were born under Apartheid, it was forced that we have the so-called "Christian name." Most people who know me, know that I hate my "Christian name" and detest being called by it.

Luckily, my partner and I had already agreed that we shall not give the child a "Christian"/white name. We were at odds because the person we were supposed to name the child after basically only had white names. So we decided to take his praise name as well as the Sepedi name. It worked out well. So this had me thinking, in this beautiful country of ours that we claim is so diverse, would my child ever have a white/Indian best friend whose name is Bongani/Lerato/Tebogo, etc. 

In this post, I speak of such a dream with the undertones of how we, Africans often look down on ourselves in order to accommodate others.

The Fantasy

First thing is first, I love this country. I love it with a passion of a true patriot. Yes, we have our weaknesses but we also have our strengths that I think outweigh the negative. I do not want to get rid of any white people, all I ask for is fairness. A scandal came out a couple of weeks ago that almost brought me to tears. Naturally, this was hardly reported on and has sadly gone in obscurity. The scandal was about the salary differences between races in South Africa. The article clearly showed that one race earns more than the other even though both employees have the same job. It broke my heart that this is our reality in this country.

I think what most of our people want is just a level playing ground but sadly, corporate is a cesspool of racism and inequality. Only the black man, including Indians and coloureds, are required to have a qualification to do a certain job. A white boy can leave high school and be flung straight into a job that a graduate would be hired for. What does that say to us qualified graduates?

I dream of a day when my child will never have to go through this. A day he brings home a best friend named Bongani. I dream of a day when equal opportunities are given in corporate South Africa. I dream of a day when working for the government is not the best way I can support my family. I dream of a day when my employer will reward my service the way he rewards my counter-parts. I dream of a day when my work is not critiqued but yet the work of John is not. I dream of a day when my wealth building is not dependent of tenders and given a fair chance in corporate to provide services.

I dream of a day my people will openly be ashamed of white weddings. I dream of a day my people are openly proud about their heritage. I dream of a day I don't have to always prove my worth. I dream of a day our people are proud to give their children African names. I dream of the day that I do not have to complain.

The Reality

The reality is that, my child will never have such a best friend. It is simple, I doubt a white person would ever name their child Bongani. Why? Simple, white people are proud of who they are. They are proud of their ancestry and culture. I have heard many South African white men gladly proclaim that they are of German/Portuguese/Italian, etc. Ancestry. The Jews are even worse, they hardly allow any other in their circle. 

Why it then that we is black South Africans have to bow down to those. Why must I name my child Timothy/John? Etc. Am I not proud that, "ke Mopedi wa go tswa ga Mphahlele. Ke bina Tau. Ke nna Mogotladi, morwa wa Nape. Le bitjo la ka ke Ramatsimela mara ka go re Ramatsimela ke mosadi, nna ke ba Matsimele". For those who couldn't understand, the meaning losely means, "I am from the Pedi clan based in the Mphahlele area. Our praise animal is that of the Lion. My praise name is Mogotladi, son of Nape. My name is Ramatsimela but because Ramatsimela was a lady, my name was changed to Matsimele. "  

I am proud of this lineage. I am proud to know my ancestry and I acknowledge the existence of my ancestors. Their presence is felt everywhere I go and I feel their strength every day I am alive. I am a stereotypical stubborn Pedi man and no matter what you say, my stance of my culture shall forever remain unchanged, unshaken and unmoved. This, I will teach to my child as well and he will be a stronger man than I could ever dream to be for this is the way of the Petjes'.

To get back to my argument. We Africans are somewhat of an apologetic people. The white people have never apologised for slavery, have never apologised for Apartheid but for some odd reasons, why is it us who are always trying to reconcile with them. Should it be not them who come to us? (Us I am including Indians and Coloureds) Why have most of us adopted white culture at the expanse of our own? Never will you see a white person doing what we do. We are the ones trying to bridge the gap, doing all the hard work just for some ignorant white person to still call you the k-word.

Our reality is that we are being belittled every day. It has become a part of attire and we take it. We complain all the time but nothing ever comes of it. Are we really so afraid that our "Masters" will leave us barren that we ignore who we are to cater for him? 

Conclusion

In conclusion, it is sad to note that my child's best friend’s name, if he/she is white, will never be Bongani. What is sad even is that my child might possible not even have a friend from another race. He will freely play with them but with the inherit fear of them. I myself suffer from such a fear. I could never be fully open and myself. I act one way with my black friends and another when with white people. I have often found myself drifting to the black guys when at company functions. This I think, should never be the case. The inherent fear I possess could even be a hinderers to my career.

Sadly white people can understand the scars that have been left on us, even generations after the end of Apartheid. Even the Jews after a century of World War 2, are still suffering the scarce of the war. Even the Japanese in Hiroshima. Two decades is not enough to rid us of these scars, we will not just move on like it didn't happen.

Until we as Africans accept our culture and restore pride in ourselves, we will never be free of this burden. Things have to dramatically change. The government can only go so far, they can have a great land reform policy and even have a great economic strategy for growth but as long as we hate ourselves, generations will eventual fall and we will be back to square one.