St Peter And Oom Paul

The gates of Heaven have never failed to impress the wide-eyed newcomer in the land of God, but the old man that stood before St Peter now looked decidedly distracted.

He had a folded newspaper under his arm, labelled with yesterday's date, and his old eyes were staring intently at his wristwatch.

St Peter thought that some introduction was required. "Sir," he said, "you must please sign the book and report to the'Astral Allocation Center' at once.

I am St Peter , guardian of the gate. "Hmmm... ?" replied Oom Paul absently, "Oh yes, I'm not staying long, no need for 'Allocation'." "Sorry?" St Peter was almost shocked by Oom Paul's statement. Heaven was not some one-stop station on the N1 South- you came to stay. Who'd want to leave? "I'm afraid you misunderstand," St Peter lifted his ages-old body to explain. "You are in Heaven. No one leaves. No one wants to." "Oh... I won't go in. I just came to look around before I go back.

They're expecting me home soon, you see." St Peter raised a dusty eyebrow and played with his bleached-white beard. After a few seconds of deep thought, St Peter proclaimed in the voices of all the prophets. "Do what you want. It's your afterlife." After a little closer examination, Oom Paul had satisfied his curiosity. He decided to go back the way he had come and find the elevator back down to Level 1 - The Mortal Plain.

He walked a while among the clouds and finally found the steel doors. There may have been a stairway to Heaven, but there was an express elevator back down to Earth, or even further, to the hellish depths of the "Immortal Punishment" section.

Oom Paul stepped inside the metal box and pushed the button marked 'G'. The doors slid shut. The Journey began. Oom Paul awoke feeling very cold, the cause of which was not immediately apparent through his solidly frozen eyebrows. Was this cold table in this dark room really what he had left Heaven for? No. Surely not. Oom Paul left the Autopsy table, then the room, and then he left the world behind.

The ascent was hard and long, but now Oom Paul knew why only one life was needed.