Church and the black female

Introduction

This piece is a fairly short narrative of my current feelings towards the church as an institution. How it fails to recognize the differences in our call to worship and how it is not inclusive of a black womxn.

Church and the black female

Six years. That is how long I taught Sunday School. I won’t even delve into the fact that I attended a Christian school nor the fact that Sunday School was only one of many things in which I participated in.

I want to qualify this opinion piece by saying that without a doubt the church can fail you. There is no question about it. No matter how much we argue about we need to remember that the church consists of human beings who are bound to disappoint, hurt and even at times anger you.

In recent months I have realised that I have become very critical of the church as an institution. Apart from historical untruths like the fact that Jesus wasn’t even white, I have had to sit back and wonder why it is that a Caucasian male is teaching me about the Lord.

Now the following statement may come as a shock to some of you but hear me out.

We experience God in different ways. By the very nature of who God is lends to a multitude of varied responses to the call to worship. Some people have God appear to them in a burning bush while others will have God tame lions in their presence. The only limitation of who God presents himself to you as comes in the form of your own personal limitations that you have placed around him.

When I sit down, pray and meditate I do not automatically conjure up an image of God as a Caucasian male. In fact I haven’t done that in a while and yet it still bothers people when I tell them that I don’t experience an ever-changing and eternal God in the same way that they have been taught to. The God who appears to me, listens to me and hears my prays is a black female. She understand that as a black female I am not only trying to live in this world which feels obliged to police every single move that a womxn makes but also that I live in a society which also criticises the colour of skin based on the melanin count.

How would it then be possible for me to relate to a God that is white? The definition of white privilege surely cannot be what I aspire to be. Because let’s be honest, when we live the Christian life we are aspiring to be like Christ. Who has been taught to us as a Caucasian male. Are we as black womxn not being set up for failure if that is the case? A life of self-depreciation because we don’t have a penis nor do we suffer from sunburn as often. 

We continue to accept being second or even third class citizens within the church structures. As if our money, contributions, time and expertise do not rival those who are treated as first class citizens. We so badly want to be part of a fellowship, part of a community, part of a family that we silence our personal beliefs. Beliefs that stem from knowing about systematic racism and beliefs which seek to empower women through feminism. For those three hours spent at church we silence our inner selves in order to connect with a white God and find acceptance within the community which we have chosen. Often leaving feeling like you have accomplished something but then quickly entering a warzone within your heart which knows that you faked it.

The pastor who stands in front of me on a Sunday morning preaching about his lived experience of a white male God is not practical to me. At the most this pastor can only relate to issues surrounding Caucasian womxn because 7 times out of 10 he is married to one.

I not only have to fight a battle against the outside world but coming to church is no longer a refuge wherein I can find peace. The lack of representation and pure ignorance when it comes to black womxn and the problems that they face has become such a sore point for me. It has affecting my ability to fellowship in an institution where intersectional feminism isn’t even a concept that people are familiar with.

I’m now at an impasse. Because I cannot willingly attend an institution which shames me into thinking that I have to believe like they do in order to be accepted. As my relationship stands intact with my God my relationship with the institution of church stands shaken.

Bio

Hulisani Khorombi is an intersectional feminist who is a part time bibliophile and full time hopeless romantic. If you want to get into my good books bring me tea or wine. South Africa is home.